Wondering...

You know, when I was younger i always used to wonder if I was special. If other people, the people I saw everyday and knew by name or the strangers I passed on the street and smiled at, felt and observed and questioned the world the way I did. I thought so much and had so many questions and as a tiny seven year old kid, I always wondered if I was alone. I think people interpret that as selfish, you know? someone thinking they are special, oh they must think they are all that, what a highly original concept. But the way I felt was caught in between lonely and surrounded by a crowd of people without faces. I didn't know what to think and I still don't because I have no idea of the things that cross people's minds. And I wonder about it a lot too. So I watch for subtle movements made by strangers and I skim the newspaper and I apprehend and devour any words I see in any context and attempt to understand a little bit more than I did a moment ago. I want so badly to understand because I don't know for what other reason we could have been put here, all of us together, here. This whole thing, existence and being and all, it has got to be about interacting with people and wondering if we are, everyone is. And I don't want to hear that everyone is special, no one is crap because if you think about it, the probability of the universe erupting and producing a galaxy and amidst that galaxy would be a solar system with lots of planets and of those planets would house a species of beings so distraught and complex and flawed that we would end up destroying each other and our planet and all the while, creating and producing and falling in love and feeling, even if just for a split second, on top of the world; that within and individual being would be the proper balance of chemicals and substances and bone marrow and muscles and skin and vital organs that can't be described as anything but intrinsic is so precise and incredible that if you ask me, all of that is pretty damn special. And to go a step further, more than just the DNA we share with one another, we are all genetically so different beyond a basic human formula, we are all unique in this universe. So I don't care about the technicalities or logic of this specifically, I just want to understand everything I can while I am here.

♥ Cat B.